Finding Myself, Finding Love: How MEC Changed My Life

Jun 6
3 min read

So much has happened that I find it hard to choose a good starting point for this blog, because this is really two stories in one: one about finding myself, and one about finding someone to share my life with. The best way to tell a story is to start at the beginning, so that’s what I’ll do. This story begins on March 13th, 2023.

Taking the Leap

At that point in my life, I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself or where I was

going. I was going through some of the toughest months I had ever experienced and was longing for something, anything, to brighten my days. Cue a TikTok about a magical school LARP, the Myrddin Emrys College (MEC) and a dear friend who had attended it before. It felt like a big leap. I had always loved writing and acting, but LARPing had always felt out of reach for me.

After asking my friend a million questions, and being reassured that it was beginner-friendly and fun, I decided to go for it. It felt like sinking into a warm bath. I was welcomed with open arms by people of all ages, genders, and sexual identities. The world suddenly seemed a little brighter when I connected with the community through Discord and met the people attending this LARP.

Where the Story Truly Begins

Two people holding hands, one in a blue vest and tie, the other in a black dress. Standing on steps, surrounded by yellow leaves. Serious mood.

My now-partner, Silas, was only a vague acquaintance to me at the time. We met occasionally for group photoshoots, but we never really spoke one-on-one. During Elfia that year, he drove back with me, and we had dinner with a few others, including the friend I mentioned earlier. We managed to convince him to join, and that’s where this story truly begins.

We started brainstorming about our characters: what they would be like, whether they would know each other. Eventually, we decided that they would know each other, but from a long time ago, back when they were younger and… girls. Yup, we made our characters trans.

Discovering Myself Through Roleplay

Along the way, we discovered that we were both trans, or at least questioning it so intensely that it was taking a toll on us mentally. Playing these characters gave me a breath of fresh air I hadn’t realised I needed. For once, I wasn’t stuck in a body that felt wrong. I got to play someone who everyone simply assumed was male. It became the perfect way to discover that I liked being seen as male, and that I preferred he/him pronouns.

That first year was a huge eye-opener for me.

When Fiction and Reality Blur

We also decided to give our characters a romance plot, just for the sake of it. Before the LARP, we discussed clear boundaries and went into it with open minds. But instead of clarity, it brought more questions.

How do you separate your own feelings from your character’s? How do you keep them from bleeding together?

Two people in costume, one sitting with a pink can, the other standing, surrounded by others in costume. Background of greenery.

Those questions kept us on edge. Eventually, they caused us to fall out, and we decided it would be better to stay friends during that first year.

In the years that followed, those same feelings kept resurfacing, but neither of us was ready. We were both going through major changes in our lives, and we wouldn’t have been good for each other at the time. That made MEC both wonderful and difficult for us.

Growing Into Ourselves

In our second year, we decided to separate Atlas and Culio (our characters) entirely, mostly because the emotions had become so complicated that we found ourselves stuck on that same question again: which feelings are mine, and which belong to my character?

Going through gender care was rough, long, exhausting, and emotional. It didn’t exactly help our relationship over those three years. Atlas and Culio weren’t together in their third year either.

But eventually, we both reached a point where we felt like ourselves. After top surgery, after starting HRT, we finally had the time, space, and energy to truly figure out what we meant to each other.

Finally

Two individuals pose in front of a wooden door. One wears a blue celestial vest, and the other a red cape. Both have intricate face paint.

After our third year, after saying goodbye to these wonderful characters who gave us our first glimpse of what life could feel like in a body and identity that fit, we finally decided to be together. (And yes, I know most people will say: finally.)

I am so incredibly thankful for MEC, for giving me a space to explore my identity through storytelling, and for bringing me closer to my partner. I’m glad we waited those three years, because our relationship is now exactly what we both needed it to be.

We might never have gotten here without MEC.

With love, Sam.